fuchsia fragments

Right - so 11 days into the new year and I finally have somethings I want to jot down.

Firstly, my goals have changed. I've spent the past two years really solidly working on my business - slowly but steadily. I was not getting a ton of orders but there were peaks and I was really enjoying it. I like spending time on my own in the kitchen and just tuning the world out while I bake. It was great especially when you're given a task that you haven't done before and in the end, you manage to do it. Really fulfilling.

In the last year months, and even more closely, this past weekend, I've also realised that I try to do too much at the expense of other things. I've spent around 30 hours this weekend (not kidding) in the kitchen for cakes and prepping for a wedding. It's exhausting. Even now, I've taken a day off whilst it is 30 degrees outside and smoldering in the kitchen. I've hidden away to the darkness that is my bedroom, shades down and looking for some quiet comfort.

I'm moving to Tokyo in a few weeks and I am really looking forward to it. The end game to this step is a promotion and to focus on my career goals. With that comes even more time away from baking. It's not a hard equation: would I throw away my (pretty) stable career for one that's just budding, waiting by my laptop or phone for a new order to come in? Not likely. Not in this decade...

So as I was baking my nth tray of macarons in the evening last night, I sort of wondered if I'd be willing to come back to all this: giving up weekends at a time. I know I don't do it for the money for there's no money to be made really on this lower end of the scale. It's more the enjoyment and giving happiness to others. Maybe I will cut back? Or maybe I will rethink my strategy? What will I turn down? What is easy and achievable?

I look at what I wanted to do in 2015 - more cake classes and things related to baking. But even wanting to do that, I didn't find the time. It's almost like saying to those acquaintances, border line friends yes we'll catch up, let's do it. And you never do. And in all honesty, you probably never will.

2016 is easy: career goals + savings + travel + seeing my friends in other parts of the world.

Here's to a new year.

I actually can't remember the date. All I know it that one day this week, I am 2 years strong - or stupid? I can very confidently say that this week has been the toughest and longest week so far. A minimum of 12 hours each day and being absolutely fried by the end of each day. Only to repeat it again. Not get any fresh air and feel... shattered, mentally drained and unable to sleep. But not defeated, I will never feel as defeated as I was in the last few months of my last job.

I'm so grateful that I have my Kitchenaid & Oven. No matter how tired, it relieves some stress.

But what I was really thinking about today was email. Email etiquette and Email tone. Many years ago, probably in my first full time job, I was taught that there was no tone in email. So untrue. Just like every other communication style, sentences, choice of words, punctuation and structure can be interpreted.

Probably just overtired me speaking and overthinking things. Everything you see is only the tip of the iceberg right?

Have you ever done it? I've now done it twice (both in a work environment) and I think both times, the results were fairly consistent. Very high C followed by high S. Actually, more like out of this water high C.

Anyways, as a high C, one of my behavioral patterns is to avoid confrontation. In many respects, I completely agree. In others, not so much.

For example...

When I believe one is entitled to their own opinion and therefore posts a review online reflecting this. And then being questioned by the owners about how genuine my post is because I was a guest at the wedding and not the Bride/Groom. Wow, how insulting. Basically, out of the 200 odd guests that were present that night, only TWO people were CUSTOMERS. Way to shoot yourself in the foot. (great line that was, I will be adding that to my review!).

So I personally believed that the service received that night was not on par with other restaurants that I'd been to as part of a wedding reception. And so I voiced this. Apparently, it ruffled some feathers (GOOD!) and the restaurant have contacted the Bride/Groom to say that are "concerned" with the post one of their guests (i.e. me) left online. Well... this is an open forum. And I am entitled to my opinion. And also, every single thing that I mentioned happened, was said to me or people in my vicinity or was blatantly observed.

I'm basically being silenced which really pisses me off. Actually, it's the fact that they QUESTIONED the authenticity of my post and THEN asked the Bride/Groom to contact me to REMOVE my comment that irks me. What? Did I hit too many sore spots? I was too on the money? It caused an embarrassment to the restaurant? That is the WHOLE POINT of reviews on forums such as urbanspoon!

This. is. not. over.

The old-fashioned, left-handed, softly spoken kind. I'm not artist / decorator so it was a rather un-scintillating conversation. I mean, yeah, I like it when buildings are restored and look beautiful but I'd rather it structurally sound first. Especially if you're going to take a good chunk of my hard earned cash.

On another note, my new boss is back and we're right back into it. I need to think of my development goals and plan. At least I got my mentor down packed. Someone to raise me up. Ah... can't wait. I'm got the best seat in the house for the massive face palm that I hope will happen but at the same time I'm going to get as much experience and knowledge I can starting from now until the end of the year. I want that promotion - sooner rather than later.

But at the same time, I see so many fish floating around, not knowing what to do with themselves. Honestly, grow a backbone and get pro-active. It is so true when they say that your future and development is in your own hands. Sure, connections would help immensely. But they don't grow on a tree. Respect is earnt. Connections are built on networking. You can't just "leverage" off mine. I'm happy to share but it won't be as helpful as going out there, promoting yourself and taking charge. Not sure how many times I've said it - it's getting old fast (at least I think so); especially when said people then whinge to me that they can't find a new job, or didn't get that promotion or payrise etc etc. Or when I give you a piece of advice and you don't heed it. umm... take it from someone who has literally been there, done that.

Went for my morning run this AM with the two rascals. And first thing they do? Chuck a dump down at the park. I was cleaning up after them and a council worker was tending to the grass. Said good morning, so lovely to see someone so friendly around - made my morning. The people on the train however... different story. So selfish. Don't move up or down and just crowd the access points. It's a team effort guys to get the trains efficient and run on time. You standing and not moving does not help!

Tried out my first vegan cake on the weekend. Fed it to the piggys at work - they liked it! Yes! So I am going with this recipe. Happy days. Vegan ingredients (e.g. chocolate) - unhappy wallet...

It's that feeling again. Where for a few nights (like...2) this week I have had nothing to do. Nothing to watch. No work to catch up on. No admin. No paperwork. No friends...

And I think to myself... wouldn't it be fun to do another course? Or a degree? Or something more useful with my time rather than just waiting for bedtime (or so it feels like)? Isn't a goal in like to absorb as much knowledge as you can? The last time this happened, I was looking at the Sydney Universities and looking up a Masters in Law. And I had even checked when the next enrollments would be and what was required. . .

Let's hope this is another phase. Like the electric piano one. Lol.

In many ways, it is a "wasted" long weekend for me. No big plans, no plans to visit the Easter Show, or Road Trip or Get together. Mainly because of the busy Good Friday and Saturday with baking and 3 pretty big orders to fulfil. But now that they are all done, I feel like its nap time and I just can't bring myself to organise or do anything else. Isn't that just poor form?

I had a wonderful nap yesterday and I kind of wish I had a huge garden with beautiful flowers and a hammock between two giant trees. But who would take care of said garden for me? Where would this place be?

Anyways, I was kind of thinking of the cakes that I'd made. Most of these were via referrals so I knew someone who the customer also know - a mutual friend. Small worlds. I was thinking about the Thomas cake I made in particular as I'd also done the Christening cake for her little boy when he was just a baby. That was about 3 years ago. Time flies and I've come a long way since then. I was also thinking of April Fool's Day where one of my friends as an April Fool's joke had said she was pregnant. And I was just thinking that her first son is turning 7 this year. 7! It made me think of Target (also because a huge chapter has closed for another friend of mine in relation to this) and 7 years ago, I was still working at target. Look at where I am now. . . it kind of puts things in perspective. Just yesterday, I was thinking about what I had done with my life (along the lines of "not much").

7 years is a long time. What will the next 7 bring? Apparently 28 is the best year of your 20s so I still have some time ;)

Happy Easter everyone. Even if you aren't religious (shoots hand up), it's a great time for reflection. and rest And for eating Chocolate Eggs.

You know how you are sometimes asked the question if you could go back in time (e.g., to Uni or school or even just to make other decisions), would you be doing the same thing?

I've always thought (and have answered this question) as "no". As in, I think I would be doing something else...

Putting dreams and achievable (or harder to achieve) goals aside, I think I can safely say today that I would not want to be doing anything else profession-wise. Because I would miss working with numbers and being analytical too much. I kind of do now but that's a whole 'nother story...

I can safely say that I was pretty unappreciative of the opportunities and work I was given in my last company. I don't really need to go into all the details but pretty much until Mr I-give-him-so-many-referrals-but-the-favour-isn't-returned came along, it was a pretty dark place. I didn't have a good mentor (in the three that came and went) and the work I was doing wasn't quite enough for my development. Opportunities were lacking to say the least.

And then, it kind of shifted gears and went up a notch. And probably another one because I wanted to learn and asking for more work. And if it wasn't for those last 15 months including the 3 at the very end running Finance by myself that my professional development exploded. So much so that I was taking on so much, it gave him too much free time. But these things don't happen overnight. And the guidance and the mentoring and the help - professionally and personally - over this time has really defined where I am today.

Why am I saying this?

I had a coffee catch-up with Nick this morning. And I was talking about some of the stuff happening at work. And he was telling me about his. And how there's no one left that we would know at said company. That's really bad considering it has only been about 15 months since I left.

Basically, I was comparing myself now to who I was back then and how I now let things slide (a lot of things...) when 2 or 3 years ago I would have gone down kicking and screaming. How I now play the ball, not the person. How to kill them with kindness. I wouldn't have this self-restraint had I not worked with a bunch of wolves before. Trust nobody but yourself.

I think he's doing a bit of the same. A little bit of soul searching... sending those feelers out there... looking for the next step. I'm hearing that a lot these days. People are tired, wanting to move on and the perfect opportunity to look and do so with the new year is just around the corner. I think 2015 will be one of many changes.

Second reason this has come up in my mind. Chris texted me today. I sound surprised. I am surprised. Second week into the new job as an AA and I got the feeling he was desperate and in need of a LOT of help. Working late hours already. He asked me about payroll tax and some journals. I actually responded by saying that his manager should be able to help. He said that his manager didn't know.

And it became clear to me that he doesn't have the right mentor in place to help him in his professional development. And that is a problem. Because you can only be as good as how you've been taught. You help yourself by asking the right questions. But if those questions go by unanswered, or answered incorrectly, then what are you learning? He was asking pretty basic stuff. (And personally, that is why I will never work for a small company again. This is another topic altogether).

And it also makes me wonder, how can there be people out there who are Finance Managers and Financial Controllers who don't know the basics of running a finance department? In the very least, you need to be able to provide guidance on how to achieve something. Self-help is great but as the leader, you should be pointing them in the right direction and steering them back on course when they aren't!!! And hold their hand if they need it (but only briefly)! Because I definitely did not learn everything in one go. Sometimes not even in two or three... Hashing things out is also part of the experience. Who wants to be told how to do EVERYTHING without coming up with a more efficient process or doing something when they disagree with the thought process?

I'm still learning, everyday. And I'd like to think by now, I can see through the BS and be able to decide for myself who I can learn from, who would be a good mentor and where I need more development. I had lunch with two ladies today - both in completely different departments - one in Business Ops and one in Partner Consulting. Both excellent candidates for new mentors, and they extended the invitation to me to ask them anything, anytime. They have more than 30 years experience at my company between them. Something that is invaluable and something I should be using to my advantage. No one is going to care about your career except yourself. You can't wait for opportunities to be presented to you. If the right one comes by, speak up and put your hand up. Because no one else will do it for you.

My recent travels / road trip / weekend away has changed my mind on how I view wine. At a restaurant or catch up drinks, its usually the house white and whatever is cheapest and gets you tipsy the quickest. For this reason, I don't really like that the mark up in restaurants and bars is 3 or 4 times the actual price of the bottle from the cellar or from the bottle shop.

So when out, unless a special occassion or BYO, yes, it usually is the house white, the Sauv Blanc or whatever strikes our group's fancy that occassion.

However, when home, I think that this latest excursion has highlighted that good wine, and affordable wine is available. And that one should take the time to do their research and buy something of the sort.

Yes, yes, all that wine tasting has given me new favourites.

Top of the list... Whites:
Cellar Door only Wynns 2012 Late Harvest Riesling
Peter Lehmann Princess Moscato

Top of the list... Reds:
Wynns 'the Gables' 2011 Cabernet Shiraz
Seppeltsfield has a range of full bodied reds too

Anyway, I joined the Wynns Gables Club and I think I'm going to buy 6 cases of the Late Riesling. Its my new go-to wine. You can't get it anywhere else and its amazing. Seriously. Amazing. I might not even share. Unless its your birthday. I may or may not gift you a bottle.