step by step.
slow and steady.
more to come.
slow and steady.
more to come.
i feel like i've been so selfish - i've been cooped up in my own little world, literally, inside the four walls that is my room for the past few days when i should be caring about others - my family, my friends. and not just little issues like how's it going, what's happening. i'm talking serious issues.
i feel disconnected and i think i'm shutting out a lot that i'm feeling.
you might be able to tell. i blog about the vain, unimportant and shallow aspects of my life - what i choose to tell, not what i really should be expressing / venting.
why? because its easy. and i don't need to think about it.
but i think - from tuesday (i.e., post exam) - i need to start caring, to start thinking about all the things that have happened, and to start playing a more active role in fixing, listening and understanding.
so many things planned but i feel like i have to overcome this massive hurdle until i get to them.
i'm so excited about my company's 15th birthday. i'm so excited about the weekend starting the 5th. and i'm looking forward to catching up with the girls. i also want to go horseriding.
i need to face reality sometime too - the fact that my grandma has been in hospital for sometime now, that one of my best friends is going through probably one of the hardest times of her life, and of course, my never-ending battle with my weighty issues.
i've decided to start a new diet. and i hope, that this time, i will stick to it no matter how difficult it gets. i've got the exercise part down packed, and eventhough i have been cutting carbs out of my diet, i just feel that it's not enough. never enough. and it calls for extreme measures.
so many little things in life that define who you are. i think i've made an effort on many fronts. but i don't get the same feedback or responses that i feel are appropriate. but in life, one can only try.
it's almost, but not quite, like i'm about to start a new chapter in my life. almost~
i feel disconnected and i think i'm shutting out a lot that i'm feeling.
you might be able to tell. i blog about the vain, unimportant and shallow aspects of my life - what i choose to tell, not what i really should be expressing / venting.
why? because its easy. and i don't need to think about it.
but i think - from tuesday (i.e., post exam) - i need to start caring, to start thinking about all the things that have happened, and to start playing a more active role in fixing, listening and understanding.
so many things planned but i feel like i have to overcome this massive hurdle until i get to them.
i'm so excited about my company's 15th birthday. i'm so excited about the weekend starting the 5th. and i'm looking forward to catching up with the girls. i also want to go horseriding.
i need to face reality sometime too - the fact that my grandma has been in hospital for sometime now, that one of my best friends is going through probably one of the hardest times of her life, and of course, my never-ending battle with my weighty issues.
i've decided to start a new diet. and i hope, that this time, i will stick to it no matter how difficult it gets. i've got the exercise part down packed, and eventhough i have been cutting carbs out of my diet, i just feel that it's not enough. never enough. and it calls for extreme measures.
so many little things in life that define who you are. i think i've made an effort on many fronts. but i don't get the same feedback or responses that i feel are appropriate. but in life, one can only try.
it's almost, but not quite, like i'm about to start a new chapter in my life. almost~
is no news good news?
all the adults were over at 3rd uncles last night until about 3 am.
waiting..
waiting..
waiting..
waiting..
whilst we youngems were left at home. to wait for news.
call finally came through in the wee hours of the morning.
grandma had to stay overnight in emergency. so they disbanded to go home and try to get some shut eye.
by the time i was up, my parents had gone over to uncles again.
and grandma finally came home around 11ish. shaky, pale and wobblish but whole and in good health! =D
so we had a family dinner over there tonight. in good spirits. watching masterchef and the great-grandkids.
times like these to cherish~
all the adults were over at 3rd uncles last night until about 3 am.
waiting..
waiting..
waiting..
waiting..
whilst we youngems were left at home. to wait for news.
call finally came through in the wee hours of the morning.
grandma had to stay overnight in emergency. so they disbanded to go home and try to get some shut eye.
by the time i was up, my parents had gone over to uncles again.
and grandma finally came home around 11ish. shaky, pale and wobblish but whole and in good health! =D
so we had a family dinner over there tonight. in good spirits. watching masterchef and the great-grandkids.
times like these to cherish~
no improvement.
and im actually thinking that its gotten worse.
grandmas got this little private space of hers at 3rd aunts. its like a shed and shes got electricity and lighting and a radio and a stove there. and shes apparently been barricading herself in there.
and today when my dad and mum and aunt went to visit she was in there. and she wouldnt see anyone and they had to pry open the door. =(
and so theyre gonna go see her again tomorrow cause she wasnt in a forgiving mood yet.
fires still raging.
i think they need reinforcements.
ie grandkids like me and sis and justii. but i gots work tomorrow so i will hand it to the other two.
and im actually thinking that its gotten worse.
grandmas got this little private space of hers at 3rd aunts. its like a shed and shes got electricity and lighting and a radio and a stove there. and shes apparently been barricading herself in there.
and today when my dad and mum and aunt went to visit she was in there. and she wouldnt see anyone and they had to pry open the door. =(
and so theyre gonna go see her again tomorrow cause she wasnt in a forgiving mood yet.
fires still raging.
i think they need reinforcements.
ie grandkids like me and sis and justii. but i gots work tomorrow so i will hand it to the other two.
i was in deep slumber when the phone, home phone rang at 7:30 and woke me up.
it was muriell.
when i wake up again its like 8:30 and get ready for uni.. no matter how much earlier i leave to make it on time. something stops me. all city-bound trains were grounded at hurstville for an unspecified amount of time. turned out to be about 20 minutes due to a 'police operation' at Bankstown. Apart from connecting trains at Sydenham, that affects my line how? anyhow, good thing there were heaps of buses. made it just on time. for a really shitty lecture too.
tutorial and group meeting followed which was quicker that expected. people were pretty cooperative so that was good.
>>
decided to go ESPRIT shopping by myself cause donna (poor thing) needed to go get some sleep cause she was falling asleep in her exam today. at first, i went around the other shops and was completely unmotivated. and i even walked around esprit a few times going.. nothings screaming "BUY ME!"
but after two successive phone calls (which were both very important).. i was in the fitting rm for like 20 mins and tried on 2 items cause i was on the phone. rofl.
muriell again:
gotta love her =D but had to say no.
i ended up getting two pairs of pants, a tank top and a nice marle tee. these took heaps of digging up to find.. and it was only cause i didnt want to leave empty handed that i forced myself to look for something. and began talking to the guy at the register about working in retail. lol. i thought it was okay for $62.
deliberately bumped into mummy at the station. got home and had about an hour before we had to go to some fundraiser/chinese banquet/function at sunnys (the big yum cha restaurant in hursty).
>>
i felt out of place but at the same time connected and important (cause we were sitting at the front tables). like it was two tables away from all the important council people (mayor, councilors, etc etc). wonder how i landed a ticket at the function in the first place.....
good food but crap entertainment. very interesting yet boring. a mixture of honkyness and fobbyness. chinese people are really rude. when people are announcing things and making speeches, they continue to talk over them. i felt sorry for the mayor who was like congratulating the restaurant owners and people just kept on talking. anyhow, that meant that most of my night was gone sitting at some uppity function. srly shouldve said yes to coming in and working. nevermind that.
>>
came home and ive been trying to search for the readings i need for my journal tats due tomorrow which i havent started. sooo doomed. plus i have work. and i want to go to the gym cause i didnt today but at this rate i wont be sleeping for a while which means i wont be able to get up. but maybe i can squeeze in a late session and just head straight to work. im not sure yet.
im hoping that having drunk so much chinese and english tea that it will keep me up for awhile yet.
>>
and on top of that there was some family emergency. 3rd aunt calls mum and my other aunt and dad and yeah. its massive. mum was like they almost needed to finish work early and "put out the flames" (at first i thought she meant literally. LOL).
not good.. =S and its not just gonna simmer. all this family sht makes me so unhappy =( i mean, i know we're not always one big happy family but geez, can't things in the past stay in the past and move on. more about this when more news comes to light. there are many demons buried in my family.
it was muriell.
"wynnie im sorry to wake you. theana's called in sick. any possibility of you working?"
*mumbles groggily* "i have uni"
"no worries, you go back to sleep darling."
*nods off again*
when i wake up again its like 8:30 and get ready for uni.. no matter how much earlier i leave to make it on time. something stops me. all city-bound trains were grounded at hurstville for an unspecified amount of time. turned out to be about 20 minutes due to a 'police operation' at Bankstown. Apart from connecting trains at Sydenham, that affects my line how? anyhow, good thing there were heaps of buses. made it just on time. for a really shitty lecture too.
tutorial and group meeting followed which was quicker that expected. people were pretty cooperative so that was good.
>>
decided to go ESPRIT shopping by myself cause donna (poor thing) needed to go get some sleep cause she was falling asleep in her exam today. at first, i went around the other shops and was completely unmotivated. and i even walked around esprit a few times going.. nothings screaming "BUY ME!"
but after two successive phone calls (which were both very important).. i was in the fitting rm for like 20 mins and tried on 2 items cause i was on the phone. rofl.
muriell again:
"i'm calling at a more respectable hour. any chance of you doing nightfill? pretty please?"
gotta love her =D but had to say no.
i ended up getting two pairs of pants, a tank top and a nice marle tee. these took heaps of digging up to find.. and it was only cause i didnt want to leave empty handed that i forced myself to look for something. and began talking to the guy at the register about working in retail. lol. i thought it was okay for $62.
deliberately bumped into mummy at the station. got home and had about an hour before we had to go to some fundraiser/chinese banquet/function at sunnys (the big yum cha restaurant in hursty).
>>
i felt out of place but at the same time connected and important (cause we were sitting at the front tables). like it was two tables away from all the important council people (mayor, councilors, etc etc). wonder how i landed a ticket at the function in the first place.....
good food but crap entertainment. very interesting yet boring. a mixture of honkyness and fobbyness. chinese people are really rude. when people are announcing things and making speeches, they continue to talk over them. i felt sorry for the mayor who was like congratulating the restaurant owners and people just kept on talking. anyhow, that meant that most of my night was gone sitting at some uppity function. srly shouldve said yes to coming in and working. nevermind that.
>>
came home and ive been trying to search for the readings i need for my journal tats due tomorrow which i havent started. sooo doomed. plus i have work. and i want to go to the gym cause i didnt today but at this rate i wont be sleeping for a while which means i wont be able to get up. but maybe i can squeeze in a late session and just head straight to work. im not sure yet.
im hoping that having drunk so much chinese and english tea that it will keep me up for awhile yet.
>>
and on top of that there was some family emergency. 3rd aunt calls mum and my other aunt and dad and yeah. its massive. mum was like they almost needed to finish work early and "put out the flames" (at first i thought she meant literally. LOL).
not good.. =S and its not just gonna simmer. all this family sht makes me so unhappy =( i mean, i know we're not always one big happy family but geez, can't things in the past stay in the past and move on. more about this when more news comes to light. there are many demons buried in my family.
