i feel like i've been so selfish - i've been cooped up in my own little world, literally, inside the four walls that is my room for the past few days when i should be caring about others - my family, my friends. and not just little issues like how's it going, what's happening. i'm talking serious issues.

i feel disconnected and i think i'm shutting out a lot that i'm feeling.

you might be able to tell. i blog about the vain, unimportant and shallow aspects of my life - what i choose to tell, not what i really should be expressing / venting.

why? because its easy. and i don't need to think about it.

but i think - from tuesday (i.e., post exam) - i need to start caring, to start thinking about all the things that have happened, and to start playing a more active role in fixing, listening and understanding.

so many things planned but i feel like i have to overcome this massive hurdle until i get to them.

i'm so excited about my company's 15th birthday. i'm so excited about the weekend starting the 5th. and i'm looking forward to catching up with the girls. i also want to go horseriding.

i need to face reality sometime too - the fact that my grandma has been in hospital for sometime now, that one of my best friends is going through probably one of the hardest times of her life, and of course, my never-ending battle with my weighty issues.

i've decided to start a new diet. and i hope, that this time, i will stick to it no matter how difficult it gets. i've got the exercise part down packed, and eventhough i have been cutting carbs out of my diet, i just feel that it's not enough. never enough. and it calls for extreme measures.

so many little things in life that define who you are. i think i've made an effort on many fronts. but i don't get the same feedback or responses that i feel are appropriate. but in life, one can only try.

it's almost, but not quite, like i'm about to start a new chapter in my life. almost~