often one doesnt realise the many things she takes for granted until it is taken away from you. its bad timing, its selfishness on other's behalfs, its a pain in the ass. bandwidth's been restricted so i need to wait until midnight until i can get back online and upload and submit and get this assignment out of my head, my mind and my system.i was walking to work today and not so usual, i was deep in thought. and there are so many things i want to do, change. whatever.i went to westfield intent on some shopping. and ive come to realise that i can no longer walk around the shopping centre as a happy little shopper. the shops just aren't up to scratch, i know and bump into too many people and its just sad really. takes away my motivation to shop.. so i think that the next time i'd like to go for a serious shopping expedition, it would have to be somewhere where im not so familiar with. per say, eastgardens or something. but then ive always wanted to go but ive just never been bothered. and no matter how hard i look, i can't seem to find the things i want. am i becoming too picky? am i craving for the nonexistant? i tried on jeans today.. they were too stretchy. this sweater was too long, vest too short. why am i like this now? or have i always been like this? am i unconsciously trying to reinvent my wardrobe? there is one thing i want though. plain and simple: pair of black pants exactly like the pair i have now. and a fleecy jumper. (and the list could go on)so i was having to semi heart to heart with mum. my lil coz from hks coming in august.. exciting =D it means i get to be a tour guide and go whereever they go. =) and i was sort of ranting about my "group" assignment, and how i had no motivation to shop and how i want to shop. maybe im just overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in shops? ie, because of all the different but not wat im looking for clothing, im unmotivated to browse. and now that i have experienced the retail industry from both perspectives, i think its quite true to say that sale assistants can actually put you off shopping. and time and time again i wonder how people are able to shop at stores like mine. its messy and its crowded. sure, i can understand that we have lots and lots of variety, colours and sizes.. but if i were them, i'd walk out without turning back.i was staring out of my room today and my sis' room is opposite and it got me thinking about how different we were. everything in my rooom has a place. its almost always in that place. if i want something, i will find it. its neat, its tidy and its CLEAN. but monkey's room.. everything is all over the floor, her clothes arent hung, she has cups and plates from i dont know how many days ago, shes got unwashed clothes on the floor, her bed it always unmade and she never opens her window for fresh air. but if she wanted to find something, she would be able to too. but why is it that shes so messy? why am i such a neat freak? why does it even matter to me? am i thinking too much again?